Do my birth parents exist!?…

I never expected this call on a ordinary Friday at 2:05 PM, 15 April 2016 from my caseworker at the adoption agency.

My case worker asked me if I was able to talk, many thoughts were going through my head. Was I going to hear information I hoped for or information that I have been fearing for throughout this whole process.  Waiting for her to explain seemed like long time, she first started off with small talk stating that she knows I have been waiting for information for a while. I had really had no idea what she was going to tell me but I had hope that it was going to be good news or was she trying to delay the bad news? I really was not sure.

Finally she said the sentence that they THEY HAVE FOUND THE CURRENT ADDRESS OF MY BIRTH MOTHER. I was in shock, a million emotions ran through my body and the only words that could come out of my mouth were ‘oh my gosh’. I guess you could say i was quite speechless  and throughout the rest of the conversation all i could say was ‘ok’. Unfortunately  hey could not find any information on my birth father.

Once the conversation ended I was very overwhelmed and started to laugh and cry at the same time. I cannot really describe what I was feeling at that moment, I guess you can say i was not prepared to hear that, even though i hoped to hear something like that.

This does not mean I will contact her or meet her but the thought of her knowing that I am interested in meeting her, is overwhelming. It will be her choice if she chooses to contact or meet me. I cannot do too much now except wait and hope that my birth mother chooses to contact me.

My fears have shifted, it is no longer the fear of not being able to find her but now the fear of her not gaining contact with me